I’VE GOT A GUT FEELING

I am terrified. There. I said it. After wanting this for so long, and after stalking so many Youtube.com abdominoplasty (fancy word for tum-tum-tuck) recovery videos, I am finally here.  It’s my mommymakeover-eve. The day before I go under the knife. Here’s the deal.  I’m scared.  That fear in my gut isn’t of the operation though. I’m not worried about making it through the surgery alive.  But I’m scared.

Yesterday, after church, I sat my boys down separately to explain why I’m going to Los Angeles today. My oldest thinks it’s hilarious that I am coming home with a new belly button. My youngest is such my “cuddle bear.” He just wants me to come home as soon as possible.  Then there was the real heart to heart talk with the hubby. We spent time chatting about the type of woman I would want him to marry (you know, if this is what will end it all). You might think I’m crazy.  You probably think I’m dramatic.  He sure does.  But he loves me just the way I am.  But I was serious. I didn’t leave anything undone or unsaid.  We found ourselves laughing uncontrollably. It was probably because even I knew I was being kinda corny.

Want to know the difference between guys and girls?  There I was sharing my heart AND giving him permission to remarry if the somebody cut the wrong cord and his response was, “I’ll definitely have to find someone to marry or at least watch the kids while I’m at work.”  This is my life.  My heart exposed to the world and his mind on the constant hunt for the next joke. I love every minute.

My mom flew in from Washington to help me during recovery yesterday. That was Jeremy’s idea because he recognizes he has no bedside manner. We shopped and stocked our fridge full of food. I snuggled my boys to death and I think I am ready. Today I’ll be at my pre-opp appointment and then out on the town in Beverly Hills with my mom.

So what am I afraid of? I’m not afraid of taking my last breathe on earth.   what is it that I have been so anxious about for the past week? I trust my doctor, she is incredible. I trust my anesthesiologist and Lord knows I could use the rest so that part will be great. It’s not the important things that fill me with fear. I worry about the silly things. How will I get from the car to my hotel room tomorrow after surgery? Will I be able to sleep? How bad will the pain actually be? Will I act like those crazy people who get their wisdom teeth pulled and are so high on drugs? Will Jeremy get a hold of the video and post it?

I AM A BABY.

On a scale of 1-10, the typical flu gets me to about 8.  I have birthed two children via C-section so abdominal surgery isn’t new to me. I’ve been kicked and cut in the gut twice before.  The difference is I won’t be hooked up to morphine for days and won’t have nurses to care for me in a hospital room. Not to mention, I chose this pain.  So I’m also fearful, once again of others’ judgements.

I’m scared but excited. I am Anxious but hopeful. I am Curious and concerned about the outcome. I”m Completely freaked by the unknown. I’m terrified for the recovery. More than my stomach is being stretched here.  My bravery is being put to the test.  BUT…

I’ve got a gut feeling about this (get it).  So tomorrow I’ll put fear aside and look at my doctor straight in her eyes.  And as that milky white sleeping drug enters my vein I’ll make sure she knows I’m confident.  I’ll do my best  to stay awake long enough for her to hear me ask . . .

“Can you snap a selfie for me during the surgery and maybe one or two post op since I’ll be asleep.”

Hey, you have not if you ask not. I also told my mom to snap pics of my recovery hours to document and share with you all. So I guess Ill see you on the flip side? Please say a prayer for me tomorrow morning if you think about it. I could use all I can get! PEACE OUT

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