Why I Have No Friends

Okay I do have a lot of great friends.  But read on and see if you relate…

Do you have your ride or die girls? As of a few years ago, my answer was no. My sister-in-law is an author, talented speaker and one of my favorite bloggers (JEN JONES DIRECT).

My SIL and me matching on vacation. Yup, we planned it.
My SIL and me matching on vacation. Yup, we planned it.

About seven years ago, I sat in a room packed full of pink carpets, leopard decor and women all looking to connect with other women. I don’t remember a lot about that night but I do remember Jen taking off her dangly earrings because they were clinking on the hands free mic AND talking on how she couldn’t to be without her “Go-To Girls.”

The truth about me: I am a homebody. No I didn’t say “Homeboy” although I love a good gangster flick. I prefer coffee and a movie in my sweats to tight jeans and an uncomfortable night out on the town. I do much of that with my hubby and boys. However,  if I was asked if I had good girlfriends I would reply “Sure I do!” Just look at my Facebook and all the fun adventures I’ve had with different groups of ladies over the years.  Proof is always in the posts. Right? #sarcasm

The question we all have to answer: When you hit rock bottom and you feel like your world is crumbling around you, do you have your “go-to girls” who surround you, listen to you,  and, most important, pray for you?  When tragedy strikes your home, are your girlfriends the first to show up with meals and flowers asking what they can do for you and your family?  When good things happen, are your girls the first to celebrate with you?  When it’s decision time, do you have listening ears and pots of coffee?

It wasn’t until a few years ago that I sat in a girlfriend slump and wondered, “If my husband died tragically and I was stripped of my world here on earth, who would my go-to girls be?” I was slapped in the face with a harsh reality. I didn’t have any real ride or die girls of my own.

When our oldest started school, he struggled to have friends.  My husband would say something to him every morning as they walked to first grade.

If you want good friends you have to be a good friend.

That has been my problem I haven’t done my part to be a good friend.  I listened to Jeremy repeat this mantra every day and I never realized the same applied to me. What took me so long?

Stubbornness and selfishness. There. I admitted it. These two win a lot of battles in my heart and mind. I want people to come to me but I don’t want them to take up my family’s time or my own. What? Who says that out loud on a blog? This girl. I am aware of these qualities I have and realized they were getting me nowhere in the friendship department fast!

Yesterday morning, I got a BIG FAT SIGN. I subscribe to email devotionals and yesterday’s asked if I had an accountability partner. My first response was “Yes!” I have my #fitfam ladies who won’t let me be caught with a milkshake unless we burned 1000 calories before hand. However, fitness accountability wasn’t the point here. Do I have a woman I share my failures, my weakness, my successes and deep longings with? Not really.

In the private fitness groups I organize each month, I partner women up with each other for accountability. They need someone to call them out if they don’t share that sweaty selfie or miss the daily check-in. We are just more likely to succeed together. We need someone who we will lift up and who we don’t want to let down. These women start and finish stronger together. How could I be so ignorant to think that I didn’t also need that in my social and spiritual life?

I decided to pray for a spiritual accountability partner. A woman who will love me for me and is willing to call “BS” when she see’s it. Someone who is pursuing her relationship with Jesus with passion like I want to. Someone with wisdom or who will at least pray for it with me when I’m faced with decisions. Someone I’ll commit to doing the same for. I need my go to girl.

I have incredible ladies in my life. I have a circle of women who would drop anything to be at my side if I was standing in quick sand. I’m grateful for all of them. But God’s given me a desire for deeper friendships. And I’m willing to do my part.

God gave us women incredible gifts. We can empower one another. Friendship is a two way street. We (starting with me) need to put down the insecurities, the stubbornness, and the selfishness that so often infects “girl friend” circles and take the advice Cameron’s dad gave him in first grade.  We need to be good friends and we will make good friends. That’s my commitment.

Here’s my favorite girl quote:

Girls compete with each other. Women empower one another.




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